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Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Roller Coaster Ride of Adoption

I remember reading somewhere before we started this process that going through adoption is like a roller coaster ride. This couldn’t be more true for Bryan and I. We have definitely experienced the ups and downs of our adoption process, especially this month.
The end of October was full of excitement as we began to start realizing that not only were we on track for an early referral, but should have our child home by spring!! I knew the holidays would fly by and as soon as we received our referral it would be in no time that we would be on a plane to Korea. I felt as if I was expecting like a real pregnant woman would. I started thinking about the nursery, looking at toys and clothes, and even buying some! We were so excited to settle into this idea that we were to be parents very soon.
The Korean adoption program is one of the oldest most reliable programs available. It has always been a solid program with little to no changes in the past, and this is one of the main reasons we choose Korea, and this is why I let myself "expect" things. So, you can imagine our extreme surprise and disappointment when we found out our agency extended the wait time for referral another 6 to 10 more months! Making our referral estimated to be the end of 2011 and travel beginning of 2012! This may not seem long to most people, but to us, it is an eternity! I felt so silly all those times I was thinking about, "this time next year..." and talking about how our child would be doing certain things right now. I long and ache for a child, so I can't help but cling to anything I can get! But since the news, I feel like I am no longer expecting. I'm more guarded with my feelings toward our adoption process now. I try to not look forward to the possibility of things anymore as to not get my hopes up. With that though, I am struggling with the temptation of being jealous again and having to really seek the Lord for strength to trust Him in all of this.
In the midst of disappointment, however, God offered us encouragement. Our first adoption ministry meeting was a success! We were able to meet some really great couples thinking about adoption or going through adoption, and could relate to the "roller coaster ride” you typically experience in this process. We were so encouraged to hear other people's stories and see the fruits of their labor. God has blessed us with a unique opportunity to gain and provide support through these families and we are so excited about how God will use this ministry. This kind of support and hope it provides was vital to us during this time.
Everyone has probably heard on the news about the tension between North and South Korea. Threats seem to be rising and talk of war is spreading. Though this has been going on for some time with the North and South, if war is to break out, this could surely affect our adoption process. I have never watched international news so intently, and even though I don’t know much about all of this, I am definitely praying for a peaceful resolution in the matter. We would appreciate your prayers in this too, not only regarding our adoption, but for God’s hand to be on the people of North and South Korea.
The end of this month has ended on a high! Thanksgiving this month has forced me to look at all the blessings God has given us. Through threats of war and delayed referrals, I could still open my eyes to see God’s goodness. Adoption is among the greatest blessings we have ever received and I don’t even have my child yet! We have not only been given hope of a child through this miracle of adoption, but God is using this whole process to grow us and strengthen our faith in Him through it! Through it all, the ups and the downs, God is good! We may not know the hows and whens of this adoption process, but Bry and I do know that when it is all said and done, we will give thanks to the Lord, for our child will be more than we could have ever asked or imagined!

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